The sunday night I got set apart to be RS Pres, a moth was in my room. It wouldn’t stop fluttering. All night long. I was too tired to get up and turn a light on in the living room to try to lead it out of my room until about 5:30 AM. By then it was too late, the light from the windows made the ceiling light, and it couldn’t stop hitting itself against the lighted ceiling. It’s louder than you think when all else is quiet. The sound wasn’t hard or harsh, but repetitive...the moth seemed to be asking ‘isn’t there a way out up here?’. After 5 or 6 minutes it would rest for awhile, and start up again just a few minutes later. One time it waited 5 minutes and I was happy. It’s knocking is uneven, like my dad’s snoring, which is very hard to fall asleep to. And it would only bump against the ceiling, it wouldn’t fly low enough to exit out the door. Every once in awhile it would try lower ground against the walls, but didn’t have perspective to see that the door was the way out. Crazy to me since moths have those cool eyes that look like disco balls. If anything, it seems like dimension should be their forte.
While I was laying there, I thought of all I knew about moths. Moths are stealthy--they use camouflage to hide. I think the biggest dislike towards moths is that they can’t bomb dive, like a peregrine falcon for example. Then they might become my favorite animal. Diving moths could make for some dangerous picnics. Instead the just flutter around, which is one reason why I think people don’t like them. They are too hard to actually see, their movements aren’t rhythmic, they don’t have a pleasing line...they just seem jittery.
The thing that really made me think we were similar besides the fact that 94% of our chromosomes are the same, was that I had felt that feeling of hitting my head against a spiritual ceiling. I knew what it was like to want to more, to want to find comfort in the Gospel, to want to let Jesus take on my burdens, to feel at one with Him like I read about, to be able to bear a testimony full of strength because it was mine and sincere even it if was short and blunt. And trying and trying to find true light, and once it comes sometimes I am too tired or too worked up to just bask in it.
One character trait the moth had that I don’t is it’s meekness. It was never too hard on itself for not finding the way out. It kept trying. In fact, about 7:37 AM I couldn’t hear it moving anymore. After it landed by the trivial pursuit cards on my dresser it was done. I figure there are 2 explanations for that: Decided to go for the worldly knowledge of really useful trivia...or died a life of trying. That’s commitment. And not actually how I want to die, but I thought it could be a useful analogy? You guys tell me, do you feel the same?
